After finishing up my last day of work today, I was grateful to be able to go home early and reflect on the radical changes that are happening in my life. It’s bittersweet saying goodbye to friends I’ve made at work (because hell I saw those people more than my family) but I’m grateful that I got to “iris out” with good vibes all around. There’s really something to be said for leaving on a good note which just opens you up to keep the good people in your life versus waiting until it’s too late and you couldn’t care less if you saw them again (and they would be so kind to return the i-don’t-want-to-see-your-ugly-mug-again feelings).
My post-work ponder got me thinking about people who have stayed in situations that made them feel bitter be it a toxic relationship, less than satisfactory work environment, a failed diet attempt, or even an apartment that they’re just not that fond of. I think that feeling powerless at the very core of this decision making process. I find people are engrained to have a refrain of “I deserve X or Y or whatever” but yet stay in these situations, places or habits that aren’t fulfilling them.
Even if they do have the guts to make some changes to their lives, who’s to say that next choice will be any different than the one they made that didn’t give them happiness? That’s the point where you see them in ANOTHER dead end job or ANOTHER relationship with someone who’s emotionally unavailable or ANOTHER failed diet attempt. That’s the point where discouragement sets in and people start giving up. “What’s the point of making changes? Nothing REALLY changes anyways.”
So how does REAL change then occur within our lives? How do you break the habit of being unhappy?
You have to ask if you AREN’T getting happiness out of your situation, what ARE you getting out of it?
That demanding job that stresses you out probably satisfies a desire to feel needed, or that emotionally unavailable relationship is “better than nothing” or validating a story you’ve made up about your lovability or what “should” happen in relationships. In both these situations, you are avoiding tackling the real obstacle to your happiness — your fucking issues with yourself — and you have to really look inward to find out what these issues are to make outward changes that will truly inspire happiness in your life instead of mindlessly jumping to the same old shit in different piles.
In the next month as all this change is manifesting in my life, I’m really going to take in what my payoffs are in decisions I’m making, what I’m putting my energy to, and really try to observe what my issues and patterns are to make sure I’m putting REAL change into place so my happiness can overflow to others who could maybe use some good shit in their pile.